Sunday, August 20, 2006

sexy poncho?

I may be mistaken, but I thought the whole point of ponchos was that they were comfortable and flattering on anyone, and definately not sexy. This seems to be a failed attempt to make poncho's sexy.

Adding some boob works for most outfits, but this is just wrong.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Many thanks to Shannon for this one!

In her words
"This is the scariest mannequin head I have ever seen. I think if you stare too long the mannequin will steal your soul."

I can't agree more. I think its the lipliner.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

okay. As far as i can tell, this is baggy-armpitted two peice crocheted chainmail. Creative.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

This is a horrible thing to do to a child. Maybe it was fine in the 60s, but today... you may as well put a sign on your kid saying 'hi! My mommy is a burnt-out ex-hippie. She's trying to bring back the 60s! this year i got a fringey vest and next year she said I can try pot!"

gah. the horrible things people do to their children.

(sorry if i managed to offend any ex-hippies, but if you dress your kid like this, you've got to be smoking something!)

Friday, August 11, 2006


the hat is okay, but the little styrofoam head looks so unhappy


This is supposed to be a cute fuzzy kitty. You say "kitty" I say "horrific monster" Are those tentacles coming out of its face? Why does it have a mohawk? What happened to the back feet? It kinda looks like all the dust bunnies under my bed formed a single creature to rip out my soul while i sleep.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Hmm... what am I ever going to do with those leftover granny squares from that quilt i made last week? wow... I could attach a fringe and some straps and let everyone think I'm a really snazzy dresser! now if I can only figure out how to keep my nipples from poking out the holes in the squares, we'll be set.

My cat would love that shirt... think she made the belt and the hat, too? the hat fits badly enough to be home made, and kind of looks like it could be startched filet crochet


Can anyone anywhere explain to me how these can be called sandals????
This looks like something Madonna would have worn in the 80's. It's the mesh glove for your feet. This doesn't even look comfortable!!
Perhaps she's trying to catch fish while walking along the beach?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The necklace itself isn't bad, its the name... its called "the taco chip suprise"

well, now. I'm willing to bet 5 bucks that as soon as that picture was taken, that monstrosity went in the trash. I'm guessing this was a gift from her grandmother. Whats with the hat, anyway? is that a beret or a crocheted pancake?
I'm not even sure what else to say about this, except that if someone tried to get anywhere near me with this thing, someone wouldn't be surviving the night.


Well, um, I feel like an idiot. I had no idea I had the comments turned off... I just thought you guys didn't like me! Well, I feel thorougly and utterly stupid now. Many thanks to d43dpuppy for going over to you knit what two and pointing out that I had the comments turned off! There are some days that I think I shouldn't be allowed near computers. I'm so glad you guys are here!

oh- and to the anon. poster that was looking for a trash can cover... has a few trash can patterns. You may be able to find one that will slip over the trash can you already have- good luck!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Is anyone reading this?

Alright, guys....I'm starting to get kind of lonely out here by myself. Is anyone actually reading this? Could someone, anyone, please leave a comment or two? I don't think there is really a point in me doing this if no one is actually reading it...

What the f***? what coked-up skank invented this? and who the hell gave her a hook to make it? This isn't even funny. Besides, wouldn't the wearers butt hang out the back?

Monday, August 07, 2006

So I'm looking through a page called "bags and purses", trying to find something bad enough to put on here for you guys.Suprisingly, most of whatI found wasn't that bad.. then I came across one called 'onion sack'. I'm thinking that someone just dosen't think much of their own pattern....but no. Its actually a crochet pattern for an onion bag. There are options to change it to a carrot or potato bag too"Makes a unique gift"

Saturday, August 05, 2006

waterproof crochet?

Well, now. I'm not entierly sure what to say about these. Whats the point of boots that have lots of tiny little holes in them? How would one go about crocheting waterproof boots?

and yes, they are adult sized.

Friday, August 04, 2006

E-mail address

Hey guys! If anyone wants to get a hold of me, or wants to help me out with this, I created an e-mail for the site...

creative, right?

Well, I figured that these were an appropriate pair of monstrosities to begin my blog with.

So as far as I can tell, heres the story behind how these two met. Cindy, here, was on a massive year long acid trip, during which she managed to get a hold of some yarn. (Harvard scientists are now doing a study on the effect of yarn on acid-damaged minds)

Well, on day 354, Cindy got a desperate craving for some hershey kisses. Meanwhile, Bob was just leaving the bar after a night long binge with his yodeling buddies,when cindy spotted him. Thankfully, Bob mistook her frantic attempts to eat his hat as some really bad kissing, and the two have a fulfilling relationship via paperclip-free letters and plan to marry when cindy gets out of rehab.

by the way, if anyone figures out how to change the links, let me know!

Inspired by the wonderful (and addictive!) blog "You Knit What?!?", I've desided to dedicate my own blog to all the god awful crochet patterns out there. I'm sure we'll all deeply miss the antics of You Knit What, (I know I will!), but there is still a whole other world of fug to explore!

Its a powerful thing, to hold a hook and some yarn in your hands and realize what you can make whatever it is you want. It can be used to create delicate beautiful lace, solid afghans, cute granny squares and practical pot holders. Crochet has adapted to become a peer of knitting, used to create bags, sweaters, and other pretty practical funness.

Unfortunately, there is no pre-crochet IQ test. There is no psychologist handing out hooks only after rigorous testing of the mental capacity of the person to wield said hook. And some people, my dear readers, are warped by power and freedom that came with that hook. We exist to make fun of the results.

I may not be quite as hilarious as You Knit What, but I'll certianly try!